We have been trying to switch broadband provider. It started off very smoothly, the new router arrived, and installation was booked for last Wednesday. A few days later we received a message to confirm the installation…for Thursday, when no-one would be home. Messages, a phone-call and the date was re-arranged for next Monday. Two days later we were phoned to confirm installation…next Wednesday. After getting upset and angry at the poor phone operator, we were finally left with the promise that an engineer ‘may’ come on Monday.
‘May’, is not a helpful word in this context. ‘May’, implies the possibility of a ‘may not’. And therefore, ‘may’, leaves us with complete uncertainty. It feels uncomfortable and disempowering.
Today we celebrate Thomas, the saint of doubters. Thomas didn’t accept uncertainty. Jesus may or may not be alive – but he wasn’t taking anyone’s word for it. He needed to see to believe. Fortunately for Thomas, there was no ‘may’ about Jesus. When he broke bread, hundreds were fed. When he went fishing, the nets were filled. Thomas touched his scars and knew there was no ‘maybe’ about his death, his life, or his love.
But we haven’t seen and touched, and our faith can be full of uncertainty. Living with the questions of what God may or may not have done, and what may or may not be ahead of us, can sometimes lead to great depth and connection. But at other times it can feel like we’re just hanging on, through habit and the faith of others.
Writing this on Sunday, I am not yet in a position to reveal whether the engineer did in fact come on Monday. But we will be at home waiting, despite the possibility of being let down, because they ‘may’ come, and we don’t want to miss them.
Susannah Woodd
